Water Temple Oddities
by Angel Press
Summary: 2 Non Yaoislash whatever..Zelda Bashing, Navi bashing. Linky be a girl! Poor D. Link...He's so confused!
1. Water Temple

**Disclaimer:I own nothing! if I did, I would make it Legend of Link, not Zelda.**

**A/N:Random thing that's been biting at me ever since I've seen some REALLY good Dark Link pictures...NOT Slash,yaoi, or shounen-ai. In the Water Temple, Dark learns about what makes men and women different, and what makes him, him. Link is a girl, so you all know, just like most all other stories...My sick demented mind!**

Water Temple Oddities

Link dodged another swipe at her head. This Dark Link was nearly making her laugh, with all his talk of how they were so much 'alike'. Nearly, because her head was on the line.

"You have no chance, I am better equipped than you!" He yelled, trying to get her to just give up. Instead she couldn't stop the small giggle that escaped her lips. "Well no shit." She called back. "So you admit that you are unable to beat me!" He crowed, red eyes flashing with delight. 'Um, no. I'm just agreeing that you have more -giggle- "equipment"."Link stopped and and put quotations around the word equipment. Dark Link stopped and lowered his sword. "Huh?"

"Well, you see, Gannondorf doesn't think that I can be female. He thinks that I'm male, for reasons of pride. I mean, how would you feel about being beat by a girl EVERY time you try to take over the world?" Dark Link blinked. "You're a girl?"

"Yup." Link smiled. "That doesn't explan why I..." He motioned toward his crotch. "Well, I guess he figured if I died then if anyone that asked he could point to you and say, 'That is a perfect replica, is it female?'." Link shrugged. "But-but...I always thought..." Dark sat down in the mirror water with a plop.

"Well, don't have a mental break down." Link said sitting next to he confused shadow. "It's just that, this whole time, Gannon told me we were the same you know? He told me if I defeated you then I could be a real person." Dark sniffed. Link sighed with annoyance. "Why does every body have so much trouble with that spesific issue? I mean, so you're a clone, big whoop! You are a person no matter what that bag of wind says! Don't have an identity crisis!"

"You really think so?" Dark looked up hopefully. "Yup! So don't mope!" Link grinned. "But, now what do I do? I don't have to fight now." Dark Link was so cute confused. "Well, you could come with me." Link suggested. "But what could I do?" He asked. "You could replace that." Link pointed at the gored fairy at the base of the tree. "I'm sorry about that."

"Naw, don't worry about it. She was kinda annoying me anyway. All the hot guy paid attention to her most of the time, not me." Link shrugged. "Well, they'd pay more attention if you didn't dress like a guy." Dark Link pointed out. "You mean wear dresses like Zelda? Eww! Hell no! She's a wimp! I have to save her ALL the time." Link whined. "No, not a dress, but like, grow your hair out a little, maybe wear tighter clothes." Dark Link rattled off. "Really? Hmmm... I think I'll do that!" Link perked up.

"So I can come with you?" Dark Link smiled hopefully. "Yeah, sure. As long as you don't always go, 'Hey,Look,Listen' you're good." Link nodded. "Hot damn! Did I ever say how much I love you?" Dark Link glomped Link. "We'll have to find you a horse though..." Link mused. "I can ride behind you.." He reasoned.

"Or in front."

**I know, sucked...And it was a little more...Ahem! Yeah, but it's been trying to kill me for a week now...Plot bunnies everywhere! I may do more if the mood strikes...8)**

**-The Angel**


	2. Poor Shadow

**Hah, Another Chap that shouldn't exist! Wheeee!**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing! **

**A/N:Again NOT slash, yaoi, ect. **

**Spongy4u14: I know, odd...:)**

**TheAmazingTecnocolorRingWra...: This chap is for you! I really didn't think about doing another but you gave me inspiration!**

**Summary:Link has this passionate hate for 'meanies' and Kokiri forest because of her memories...What's a Dark Link to do?**

Water Temple Oddities

Chapter Two:Poor Shadow

Link jolted slightly as Epona galloped across Hyrule's fields. Dark really did know how to handly a horse. She of course had to think that just when he took a hard right. Sqeezing her arms around him tighter she hoped the he wouldn't do that again. "What was that for?" She yelled over the wind. "I thought that we could use a de-tour!" He yelled back. Rolling her eyes, she continued to hold tight, hoping it hurt.

Dark had proven to be a much more useful ally than Navi had ever been. Exhaling lightly, she nuzzled her nose into his back. He also smelled nice. "Hey!" Dark interupted her...Less than clean thought. Hey, she couldn't help it! Being stuck in time without being able to come to terms with ones desires, passions, libido...Great now she needed a cold shower...

Suddenly the horse jerked to a stop, throwing her back, then into Dark. "Warn me next time ya know!" Link roared, more embaressed than anything. "I was trying to, you wouldn't listen." Calm, always calm...I wonder if he's goo-NO! WILL NOT GO THERE! "Oh, sorry." She mumbled, really not noticing what he said. "Are you going to let go?" He asked. She blinked, then let go. Sliding off she took stock of where she was. Turning slightly she found herself staring down a hollow tree. "Why here?" he asked sharply. Dark shrugged. "I haven't been here before, I just wanted to check it out."

Good reason but she still didn't want to go in there. Mido was in there..."Yo! Quit spacing out!' Dark yelled. "Sorry, sorry." She muttered. Dark nodded and began to wonder if she would always be like this. Yes, she was a refreshing difference compared to the other women he'd spent time with. Another yes, he had his fair share of women, but Link was different. Not always good though. "So? After you?" He motioned for her to lead. Giving a sniff, Link stomped off to the one place in Hyrule she really didn't want to be. Home.

-------

"Hello? Anyone in here?" Saria's house was empty, her own house was empty. Hell, even Mido's house was empty! Usually there were people in the said huts trying to figure out what had happened missing trio. Most of the time Link had to chase them away...Hey, was that cheering? Cocking her head to the side to listen, she caught note of a melody. "Yo, Dark, you hear that?" Link called from the tree house. "Yeah, why?" Rolling her eyes, Link slide down the ladder and dusted her knees off. "Can you understand what they are saying?" She asked slowly. She had to admit, he could hear better than her. He know the moment she entered the Water Temple. But that was just because she was yelling...

Flashy! Wheee!

_Throwing her head above the surface, Link began cursing in every language she know. That encompassed pretty much all of them. Growling about how cold it was, how wet she was, and how stupid the adventure was becoming, she pulled herself onto the ledge and began wringing out her hat. Then her shoes. And tunic.(Thank God Dark hadn't been there, cold and thin shirts don't do good for guys and nose bleeds...) When finished she walked to the other side of the ledge, only to find more water._

_"NO,NO,NO,NO,NO,NO,NO,NO! GOD DAMNIT!"_

End Flashy!

She shuddered at the memory. Always wet in that place...Anyway! Back to this. Grabbing Dark's arm she ignored what he said and dragged him toward the noise in the Deku Tree meadow. Once there, the duo was treated to the sight of many dancing Kokiri's, all skipping around the new Deku Tree. Blinking with shock, Link turned to Dark. "The hell?"

"Croikey. I was abou' ta ask you. You know more about them buggers habits and rituals than me!"---"What the hell was that?"The eye brow rose. "I don't know, I just felt the compelling erge." Shrugging they set off for the circle. "Hey, yo, what's up?" Link called. "The savoir the savoir! We need your help!" They cried in together. "Uh, yeah. Great. With what?" She asked, coming in front of one of the Know-It-All brothers. "The meanies are back! In the forest! We cannot search for Mido!"

They were looking for that moron? Fine, whatever. "Would you all stop going in the forest if he came out?" She reasoned. "No, we must find Saria!" A voice called. "Uh, see, you won't be able to find her, trust me on this. So I'll get Mido and ya'll stay here, 'K?" She weedled. "Done!" Mafia kids...

------In the woods------

"Ow, damnit!" Dark yelled as another vine slapped him across the face. "I did say you could stay behind." Link called from ahead. She'd yet to get hit...Dark supposed it had something to do with she'd been here before. Kinda like how he barely got wet in the Water Temple...Funny that.

Flash!

_Dark had been sitting there for hours, just waiting for his prey...His boredom had been so bad he killed the tree!...Dum,dah,dum,dah-dah,dum,dah,dum...Shit, Zelda's song...Fricken snuff bunny..'Oh I'm so brave I send my 'man' to do everything! teehee!' Bitch. "NO,NO,NO,NO,NO,NO,NO,NO! GOD DAMNIT!" Jumping he was shocked to hear a womans screach. Probably some dumbass Zora..._

Flash!

Fair was fair...Sorta. "Ow!" Now that wasn't him...And he didn't growl like that...-SLICE! CLICK!- Pushing away the brush, he first noticed Link holding a bloody blade. Then there was a dead Wolfos. Nothing new. "I hate, no, let me re-phrase, I _LOATH_, these woods." She snapped. I swear she's on her you-know-what. "You know, It could be worse!" -CRACK! BOOM!- "Shut your ass up." Yeap, not good. Now she mad AND wet.

-------Four hours later-------

I swear I will kill Mido when I find him! All these memories! And Dark doesn't understand! Over there me and Saria promised not to tell that it was us that strung up Mido's underwear...And there is where we made bead necklaces!..."Hey, are you okay?"

-Sniff-"Yeah.-Sniff-Why?" Rolling his eyes he answered, "Maybe it has something to do with the constant sniffs. Are you sick?" He asked. "No! Just allergies." She lied. "Uhuh, yeah. Like I'd believe that one.." Dark trailed off. "Nothing, let's go find idiot.." Link shifted her shield and took off again. "So, you been in this part of the woods a lot?" Gritting her teeth, Link prayed the idiot was close. Prying men never boded well for adventures. "Yeah some."

"Want to talk about it?" Dark asked. "No, there's nothing to talk about! Now help me find the midget!" Link stormed off. "You mean this midget?" Dark pointed to a sleeping Mido. "I will kill you!"

"Come on kid, we got to run!"

-------

"But Saria! I'm not going to leave her!" Mido squirmed in Dark's grip. "Look kid, you aren't going to find her! She ain't even on this plane of exsistence!" Dark was really beginning to hate this midget. Now he undrstood Link's hate of the little bugger. "Hey Link, you want to just leave this guy here?" Dark asked, completely ignoring her motions to stop. "Link? Where?" The little red head look wildy around. "Um, her?" Dark pointed, still ignoring Link. "Really?" Mido scrutinized the blond.

"It..is...WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY ANYTHING! WE'VE BEEN WORRIED SICK!" Mido renewed his efforts to get away. "Great, thanks. I could have lived my whole life without you saying that and still been happy." Link snapped. "Sheesh, sorry!" Dark growled, dropping the Kokiri, who in turn jumped on Link. "AHH, Get off!"

"I'M SORRY! SO SORRY! I WAS SO CRUEL TO YOU!" Mido sobbed. Link and Dark shared a look. "Hey, how about we take you back to the village?" "Okay."

--------

In the end, Dark and Link had to explain everything about Sages, Hero's of Time, and evil bitches that send others to do their work. Then Mido blabbered more. So Link made him promise not to say anything and that would be payment for all the torture.

"Dark. Why did you really go to the Kokiri Forest?" Link asked. "I just wanted to help..." Link sighed. "I thank you for thinking of me, but ask before you do that again." She told the dark hair elf. "I only wanted to help..." He looked so dejected...Leaning over she gave him a hug. "Next time, I pick where we go." She informed the shadow.

"Cool, as long as you don't get mad at me again. You're scary when you're mad...And wet..."

**...Yeah...Hope you like some...Or a lot...-.-**

**-The Angel**


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